So I know a few days ago I made a post about how integrity is integral in any relationship - Be it a couple, or just two good friends. That can be people aspiring to date, people dating, or the people you just hang out with every day. I have yet to hear of a relationship of any sort built around resentment and distrust that has been successful.
Conversely, I would like to brighten the mood with humorous but very true relationship advice for both men and women. This is something that is entirely generic and very much, for me at least, common sense. Forgive me, but I will often refer back to a relationship I once had that was a very excellent example for both good and bad factors that play into many couples routine road bumps on the path to eternal happiness.
Now before I begin, please not that I will be going through some very basic concepts, but what I hope to do is not to touch on many of the subjects that other articles do, but to also provide relevant, realistic, and understandable logic that corresponds with most rational peoples state of mind. The original thought process of "how" and "why" is the meat and potatoes of this, and any relationship article. When you read an article that says "Don't be jealous, No one likes it when someone is clingy", that is about as good advice as "Be a good boyfriend, no one likes a bad one." I sort of want to bang my head, and wonder if these people seriously think their literary style of communication with the reader is that thin and shallow, or if they just do not care. I will try to make this like most of my posts - conversational, and easy to follow...for the sane mind :D
So here we go...
Don't be expressive about your jealousy. That doesn't mean do not be jealous, that doesnt mean do not express your desires of exclusivity or even that you want someones habitual flirtatious nature to be toned down. This means, try not to be the boy or girlfriend that is obnoxiously always wondering where the other is, or what they are doing. Now -- Let me say this. YOU PARTNER WANTS TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AND WHO YOU ARE WITH. You want them to not ask? Then be considerate, and tell them. I had a girlfriend that I told something very simple.
"Hey babe, if you want to go with a bunch of friends, even guy friends, to a party or something, thats fine with me. If I cant make it, here is what I ask. 1 Tell me when, where, and who. Not because I want to approve your trip for you like you are a kid, but because I want to know you are safe. 2 -- Please make sure one of those people is someone whose judgement I can trust, and someone I can depend on."
That is because if something happened to you, I would take care of you. However, if my significant other elects to go somewhere where I cannot take care of them, I still feel responsible and still am concerned about the safety of my girlfriend -- So let me have a contact that I can phone up and say "Hey Billy-Bob, make sure So and So and is taken care of and gets home ok".
Sometimes its not so much that someone is jealous or controlling, its simply that they CARE about you, and they want you to be taken CARE OF. And if you elect to put yourself in a situation where I, your boyfriend, cannot take care of you, at least help me so that I can ensure your safety some other way.
On to my second point of relationships...Here is the truth...Dont be two faced, but dont subscribe to the "This is me, and if you dont like what I am, Fuck Off" attitude. When you are in a relationship, you need to have two "Demeanors", not two personalities. There is a difference. Two personalities means you would love to go bowling with your home boys, but you hate doing that when its with your girlfriend. (Or boyfriend)...Seriously -- Do NOT be like that. Conversely, however, there is nothing wrong with going out with the boys and cussing like a sailor and talking smack -- But when you get back to being with Susie-Q, your girl, give her an exclusive part of you that no one else sees. Dont curse around her if she doesnt like it. Instead, talk softly. There is no such thing as oversensitivity in a relationship. There is, however, something called being inconsiderate. One of them is a basic no no in any form of human contact, especially with people you care about.
Make your boy or girlfriend feel like when they are with you, you care so much about them, you are willing to either change your bad habits, or tone them down around her. Its a simple concept. I am a Cigar connoisseur, I love to go try new cigars. However, most girlfriends I have had do not like smoking, do not like kissing someone whose breath smells like charcoal, and do not want to smell that. So I have a simple solution. I just don't smoke around her, or even talk to her about cigars, because frankly nothing positive will come of it. However, if I don't smoke around her and I brush and chew gun after, shower, and only wear (and yes I have one) my shirt designated for smoking cigars, then she wont have to put up with it.
Bottom line guys, be considerate. If you can't break the bad habit, suck it up and don't make her put up with it.
So here is a big one. Oh, and if you are a parent, pay close attention on this one. Sorry, but this is a basic human communications No-No.
Don't nag. If you are going somewhere, and you need to bring something, or do something, and you remind the boyfriend or the son, and they dont do it, then here is the solution. POLITELY, and do not bring it up again, remind them that they made a mistake and politely provide a SOLUTION. If we are going some place, and we have to bring cash to pay, and I forgot my cash in my jeans, the stupidest, most absolute immature thing you can do as a boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, anyone, is continuously say "Maybe if you listened..." or "You should have done what I said..."
Here is my usual response. "You are correct. I made the mistake. Now, seeing as I do not have a time machine, and neither do you, lets be constructive and find a solution." Try this on for starters.
"Babe did you forget the cash that I told you to bring?"
*Thinks to theirself....Here it comes...the oh so hated I told you so...*
"Yes I did, Im sorry."
*THE RIGHT WAY TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO*
"Thats alright, theres an ATM a block from here. But next time lets remember to make sure we bring the cash."
See, not only have you provided a solution, but you didnt nag them, and you arent whining and complaining about how "You were right" and how "They should have listened". The minute you state your correctness without stating a solution to the current problem, then *You Are Wrong*. Dont be an argument starter in the relationship, be a solution finder.
As we conclude, you are seeing that I am not providing you slick ways to have the happily ever after relationship. I am telling you the same things that anyone else will tell you, but Im putting it in perspective. Im helping you to see things from a certain perspective. I have more to write about, but I feel this is enough for one sitting, and that anything more would be increasingly excessive. Please comment and reply about your thoughts, other things that you do and dont like in a relationship, communication wise, and I can give some analysis in my next edition. If this works for you, you conflict with this, you have a differing opinion, or you want something brought up, email me or comment! This can help everyone, and hopefully it can help you!
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