Have you ever stopped to think just how happy you are in life? Sometimes its hard to see. In fact, often times when we stop and look at reasons why we should be happy, we start finding ways to tell ourself we are not happy. This is both unhealthy, and very much untrue, as happiness is a decision that we have to make through the actions of our lives.
This year has been rough for me. Nine months ago I watched as my relationship went downhill, catching subtle hints and clues up until the dreaded day of the breakup, seven months ago. My initial reaction was to wonder how I was ever going to be happy again. Now, of course I do not mean to be dramatic or anything, but when someone has made you happy for so long, it can hurt. You lose that source of liveliness in your life, you start questioning not the 'if" of your future happiness, but the 'how', and 'when'. What do we have to do? What can we do to make us happy? How can we get over the rough times faster?
Well, I found my happiness not too long ago. Two weeks after my breakup, my ex had found a new boyfriend. Well, when I saw the guy, I immediately no longer felt bad. But that didn't make me happy, instead that settled some sort of inner confidence that only fed into a false happiness, a happiness that actually fueled contempt and resentment. So I began trying to understand, "What will make me happy?" Well, I enjoyed school, so I took up more hours. Work too, I loved my job and decided to go on with more hours. It got so bad, I took 23 Semester Hours in the Spring of 2012, and worked about 25 hours a week.
Well, needless to say, any mixture of feelings I had were diluted with immense amounts of stress, lack of sleep, mismatched priorities, and poor judgement. I wasn't going anywhere positive. Then I cracked. I couldn't take it. I was working too much, I was taking too many classes, I didn't enjoy my school anymore, I had made waves with a fraternity on campus with pretentious losers trying to wreak havoc on my world, I hated my major, couldn't stand my professors, had only a few friends and had no where to turn.
I used to smoke cigars as a social sort of thing. I don't consider myself a smoker, but cigars are like wine, they have a certain taste, rolled from different leaves...its a connoisseur type thing. Well, in all my stress I go to the point where I would smoke through several large cigars in a day. I blew quite a bit of money on cigars, until one night it was very bad. I was out pissing and moaning in my resentment over my breakup that had happened a few weeks prior, and I had been smoking. I stood up, and immediately I felt as if a needle pierced my heart, my heart started beating faster, and I was feeling light headed. My knees buckled, and I put one arm out to stop from falling and I made my way to a chair, and collapsed in it.
I picked up my phone, and sent a text to one of my buddies down the hall, who came to help me out. He helped me back to my room and got me to rest. The next day I went to go see the doctor on campus, who said I probably had come close to nicotine poisoning if I hadn't been used to smoking so much, so often. It was then that I gathered all my cigars and lighters, walked to the cafeteria on campus, threw them all away, and got a salad and an ice cream.
Ill tell you now - That was NOT happiness, and nothing I did to relieve the stress, or even to try to get over the relationship was working. Then I realized - The only thing keeping me from being happy, is me. So the end of the semester came, I packed my bags, and said Adios to the old school, and decided to transfer.
My first advice is - Don't do anything stupid. Its not going to help, and it will only make the recovery worse. Instead, focus on you. Find your hobbies and indulge in them. If you can't find anything to make you happy, then start meeting new people, because someone will interest you. Find someone to talk to, and to tell your story. Sometimes its easier to talk to someone you don't know. They won't judge you, they will tell you the honest truth of their opinions, they and they won't hold it against you.
Secondly, don't drink or smoke your way out of a problem. It is simply a stupid, expensive, and incredibly unhealthy process that is dangerous to your safety. You are wasting away precious time and life you could be spending doing something productive, or fun.
Third, talk to someone who is going through something similar, or who has a similar experience in their past. I have been doing this myself, and have been seeing more and more that I am happiest when I am around other people, helping other people, and doing things that can make other people happy, rather than being selfish or self interested.
Fourth, be yourself. Be who YOU are, and do what YOU want to do. I talk so, so, so much. Seriously, I talk a lot. I talk about a lot of different things, and I talk about historical facts that very few people care about. But you know what? It is who I am, and it is what makes me who I am.
Fifth, don't wallow in pity. Don't exclude yourself from dating or talking to people. You certainly shouldn't jump into a relationship right off the bat or even very soon, but I have to say that after seven months, I miss having that special sort of connection. Just as well, you should remember that just because you go on a date with someone, it does not mean you are dating. Take someone on a date periodically, either the same person or someone different, and see how the interaction goes as you progress through your recovery. See if you are ready to meet someone, or maybe you are done with the recovery but you still just seem uninterested in a relationship anytime soon. While I never tried this, I wish I had, and recommend this to anyone wishing to go through a longer recover of around 6-12 months. This is mostly for the unfortunate souls who experience the loss of a fiancé, or a spouse.
Finally, don't forget to ask God for his help. God is a fundamental part of our lives, and he has a plan for us no matter what we decide. Sometimes you need to just trust him to take the wheel. It may seem like he is trying to run you off the road, but often times he is helping you take a shortcut. Just remember that backroad shortcuts can sometimes be bumpy rides! But that is life. Life is a journey, filled with pot holes, road debris, road rage, upset drivers, unpaved roads, and more. Life is an adventure, but it requires bravery, fortitude, endurance, and faith. Trust in God, and you may not even need to find your destiny or future right now. Let him take you for a ride, and show you. Go on an adventure, and find happiness in your own personal way, and ask God to help you.
Life is a Journey. So take a hike.
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